One thing is pretty certain. Pornography is a tough addiction to overcome and you usually need help overcoming it. It took my husband reading a book that that told him he needed a group and years of trying to overcome it himself, before he would finally get some help. Luckily we found LifeStar. They specialize in pornography and sexual addictions. They have different places around the country. They have a three phase program. The first phase the husband and wife can do together. It is a six week program that is very informational about the addiction. After the first phase you have the second phase where the women meet separately from the men. The women work on learning how to heal themselves, set boundaries etc. I think it is a wonderful program.
I didn't finish phase two because of family commitments, but I miss it. You really get to love the women that you are working with and are your support system. You really learn practical tools in how to live your life. My husband is still going and I know it is helping him. If you are needing some help and need some tools to become a healthier you. I recommend LifeStar. Hey mention you heard of them from myrefinersfire. :) Maybe one day I'll be back.
Showing posts with label support group. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support group. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time there was a little girl who grew up in a very conservative, christian home. Sex was not something ever talked about. This little girl thought if she was a very good little girl she would marry her prince and live happily ever after. Reality Check! That isn't how life works. Darn, but then it would be too easy. Where would the challenge be. But one can dream.
I've been married to my "prince" for over 20 years now. Around fifteen or sixteen years ago I discovered my husband was looking at pornography. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I had found the porn under our bedroom mattress. I can still see the image of that first picture I found and I feel sick.
I felt alone. I couldn't talk to anybody about this. Who would understand and not judge us. So I withdrew inside myself. I didn't reach out to be friends with anyone. They couldn't find out our secret. I didn't want to be judged. I was all alone. Then a year and a half ago I found a support group for spouses of porn addicts. They were a 12 step support group. It saved my life. That along with some counseling.
Step 12 is why I'm starting this blog. If anyone out in this big cyber world finds this blog and has a spouse with an addiction. Maybe they can find some support and hope here. This experience has been a refiners fire for me. It has helped me get to know myself, change things that need changing and accept things that need to be accepted for what they were. I have gotten closer to God than I would have ever done without this trial. That alone has made it worth it. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But good things do come from bad and miracles still happen.
I'm remaining annonymous. Only a couple of my children know about their fathers addiction. None of our extended family and none of our friends. I want to keep it that way right now. So lets call me Belle. From my favorite Disney Princess of Beauty and the Beast. My spouse will be the Beast until he is free from the chains of his pornography addiction, then he will become my prince again. Later I will post more of my story. Fill free to share yours. It's nice to know we are not alone. First names only.
I've been married to my "prince" for over 20 years now. Around fifteen or sixteen years ago I discovered my husband was looking at pornography. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I had found the porn under our bedroom mattress. I can still see the image of that first picture I found and I feel sick.
I felt alone. I couldn't talk to anybody about this. Who would understand and not judge us. So I withdrew inside myself. I didn't reach out to be friends with anyone. They couldn't find out our secret. I didn't want to be judged. I was all alone. Then a year and a half ago I found a support group for spouses of porn addicts. They were a 12 step support group. It saved my life. That along with some counseling.
Step 12 is why I'm starting this blog. If anyone out in this big cyber world finds this blog and has a spouse with an addiction. Maybe they can find some support and hope here. This experience has been a refiners fire for me. It has helped me get to know myself, change things that need changing and accept things that need to be accepted for what they were. I have gotten closer to God than I would have ever done without this trial. That alone has made it worth it. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But good things do come from bad and miracles still happen.
I'm remaining annonymous. Only a couple of my children know about their fathers addiction. None of our extended family and none of our friends. I want to keep it that way right now. So lets call me Belle. From my favorite Disney Princess of Beauty and the Beast. My spouse will be the Beast until he is free from the chains of his pornography addiction, then he will become my prince again. Later I will post more of my story. Fill free to share yours. It's nice to know we are not alone. First names only.
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