Escape Into Myself

Back to working Step Four. Melody Beattie in "Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps" says that in Step Four we get to "learn how to love ourselves. Then we can learn how to love other people and let them love us." I like that. This addiction really takes a toll on our self esteem and makes me feel unloved and unlovable a lot of the time. Working through this helps me to remember I am a daughter of God. I have to remind myself not to judge my past by what I know now. I am a different person now and would have been different in the past if I knew then, what I know now.

Study Step for today: Searching Inward

The discovery of self is a profoundly spiritual experience, one that is possible for anyone willing to learn. It comes neither in a mystical, magical manner nor by casual effort, but it is made possible only through practical, concrete means. Link

Thought questions

•  What insights can I gain by reading Elder Porter's entire talk?
• What are some specific ways that I can apply these insights in order to gain self-understanding through doing Step Four inventories?

I really enjoyed the talk. He talked about some means whereby we can get to know our selves.

1. Diaries and Journals
2. Self-questioning-- he listed some good questions to start with such as: "If  I were another person, would I enjoy being around myself? Am i cheerful, patient, radiant, kind?"
3. The Franklin Method. He referred to Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography, which is really good. How Franklin decided to work on 12 virtues then he added a 13th later. He would write down at the end of the day were he messed up. He found that he needed to write a plan to succeed. Thinking about it just didn't work. I like this idea. I think  this is something I will work on with the others.
4. Faith in Jesus Christ. "No amount of inward searching will avail an individual much without an active faith in the living Savior. ...Man simply cannot perfect himself, by himself."

The talk definitely gave me something to think about and work on. Parting thought:

The housewife who feels that her life is in a small box wedged between an oven, washer, and three peppy children may seek escape in television viewing or at a swimming pool, social club, or theater. The businessman, teacher, or scientist may get a “wedged-in” feeling and seek escape in the mountains or on the golf course.

A certain amount of such escape is necessary for everyone, but wouldn’t it be better sometimes if we escaped into ourselves? A quiet hour of self-examination, goal-setting, and meditation on the eternal purpose of life can be far more therapeutic than the back nine.

Step 4-Truth

Happy April Fools Day!
New month, new step. Step 4-Truth:

Key Principle: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of ourselves.

This step last time was a little scary. Did I really want to get to know myself? I spent months on this step. This time I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm ready to really get to know me better. See what else is in my way to become who I want to become. Brigham Young said: "The greatest lesson you can learn is to know yourselves." Well this step really helps.

Action step for today: Get a journal, make it pretty and find a place to put it away from others eyes.
Writing plays a big part in step four for me.
Have a great day!

He Can!

With the twelve steps, Step 1 helps me realize I can't do anything about my husbands addiction. Step 2 helps me realize that only God can help my spouse and me.

Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore us to complete spiritual and emotional health.

It seems that when I get to thinking that I'm doing okay and I'm in control. God gently reminds me I'm not. Which has happened this week for me. So I am really glad that this month I am devoting to Step 2. When I let my negative thinking take over, I feel hopeless. I need hope, we all do, or life feels pointless.

Yesterday was a difficult day for me emotionally, and God told me to write some excerpts from my journals for my husband to read. I spent a good portion of yesterday  writing parts of my journal from when I met my husband till 12 years ago. Last night I gave it to my husband to read. This morning he came to me twice and apologized for being a jerk and gave me a hug. He had forgotten how he was back then and me. It put things in a different perspective. I think that is why we need to keep journals. We forget. I read experiences with my oldest son (who is now a difficult son) and how sweet he was and loving. We  need to remember these things. They give us hope for the future.