Porn is a Drug

I just finished reading chapter 6 "It is a drug," in the book He Restoreth My Soul by Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD. I can't say I understood it all as I'm  not a medical person but this is what I did get.

• Pornography addiction causes a "frontal lobe syndrome," or a shrinkage in the frontal control areas of the brain--like a traumatic brain injury.
• With abstinence the brain can heal and regain its size. 
• With pornography addicts are using adrenaline, dopamine and other powerful brain drugs without a prescription. Porn is a form of prescription drug abuse.
• "Patrick Carnes describes grief as on stage of recovery, where the addicted person actually feels emptiness when saying "goodbye" to his old friend, the addiction. It maybe the combination of craving for dopamine and yearning for oxytocin-bonded pornography, among other things, that pushes the person to act out and view pornography."
• To the person addicted to porn, sex becomes their primary focus and life gets in the way of doing the only thing they want to do--view porn.
• Sexual addiction causes more extensive atrophy of the brain than drugs. Sexual addictions are harder to overcome than drug addictions.
• Porn addicts learning and memory areas of the brain are effected. They become less focused at work or school.
• All addictions behavioral patterns of deceit and cyclic acting out are similar. Loved ones of addicts experience similar frustrations.
• Porn addicts have withdrawal symptoms. During the first few weeks of abstinence they may experience, headaches, irritability, restlessness, sleeplessness, anxiety among other things. These symptoms are relentless which can lead to a relapse, followed by despair and depression. Hence it is only a temporary fix.

So in summary:

1. "In a sense, the 'brake pads' of the brain wear out, and the person runs through important 'stop signs.'"
2. "Simple pleasures aren't enough anymore, and the person must act out in addiction to get back to this "new normal" state."
3. "Thus the pornography experience becomes a virtual mistress, and provides another tether which must be addressed to heal."

I really recommend getting the book to get all the details. It was enlightening. This isn't just something they can use willpower to overcome. They need help to recover, and so do we. Reading this has explained things I had observed in my husband and wondered how could he think like that? Now I know. He has shrunk his brain.

This is why the twelve steps are so important. They help us to realize that we need God help. This is bigger than us. Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore us to complete spiritual and emotional health. We need divine help.

"Only He can give us power, knowledge, peace, and joy. We have only two choices. We can either follow the Lord and be endowed with His power and have peace, light, strength, knowledge, confidence, love and joy, or we can go some other way, any other way, whatever other way, and go it alone--without His support, without His power, without guidance, in darkness, turmoil, doubt, grief, and despair."  Lawrence E. Corbridge, "The Way" Ensign Nov. 2008

Day 20: Love Is Jesus Christ

Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection.Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace. 

I will change this a bit for me. I will pray to Heavenly Father instead of Jesus and ask what he would have me do etc.

My Responsibility

It is my choice and my responsibility to heal and make a better life for me. It is not dependent on my husbands recovery or my children's moods or the state of the economy. Improvement in those areas would make it easier but I'm not so sure it would make it so long lasting. I don't grow nearly so much when life is going smoothly as when it is tough. Hence I need the refiners fire. This leads  me to the 8th C of Emotional and Spiritual Healing.

8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.

I have learned that I need Heavenly Fathers help. I don't just want it, but I need it like I need air to breathe. I can't live with out either. I have tried to do this on my own and it just doesn't work. I needed to humble myself and plead with God for the strength to go on. It is definitely worth the work.

Now for the Love Dare. Yesterday was good. I was glad I had written down my rules. It comes in handy with all my relationships.

Day 14: Love Takes Delight

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

This one will be good. It is good to spend time together. I have gotten so used to being by myself, that I'm comfortable with that. So making time to be with my husband will be good for us both. This is also a good day to remember why you fell in love with them and married them in the first place. I like these quotes from The Love Dare book:

In other words, love that chooses to love is just as powerful as love that feels like loving. In many ways, it's a truer love because it has its eyes wide open. 

Again, you get to choose what you treasure.

So today I choose to love and treasure my husband.