This is my journey through my “refiner’s fire” in dealing with my husband’s pornography addiction. I hope it can be a support for other women to know you are not alone.
We bought a new Internet monitor. It monitors all computers, including wireless and all wireless devices. It monitors IPod and the Wii and our phones if they have the Wi-Fi turned on. You can monitor it through the internet anywhere and see what pages have been accessed. It blocks all the porn sites, hopefully. There is no way around it unless you unplug it then you would know from the daily summary. I'm not to sure how excited my husband it about this but I am very happy. I don't want that garbage in my home. It was easy to set up and only cost $119.99 plus shipping. I found a coupon code online that took of $20. No other fees ever. What a bargain. esafekids
Day 40: Love is a Covenant
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being on with our mate.
I did this last year.I'm going to dig them up and reread them and see what changes I need to make. We did the renewal vow thing. It was nice. If we ever get to a better place I think I will want to do it again.
This 40 day journey has been very thought provoking and I'm glad I did it. It reminded me of things that are important about my relationship with my husband. But I know I need to keep doing the dare if I want my marriage to get stronger.
Spend Time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your souse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
In today's society people seem to get divorced at the drop of a hat. They don't really have a deep commitment, that says I here for you even when you disappoint me and when times get hard. I believe one of the reasons that marriage is so important, is that it is in this relationship that you really refine your character. Where else are we so vulnerable and can be hurt so much? Where else can we become what we are meant to become?
In my scripture study today I was reading in Jacob 7. Where Sherem challenges Jacob, then admits he has lied to the people and to God. Then he dies. Then the people searched the scriptures. Would they have been sucked into Sherem's lies if they had been searching the scriptures before hand and had gotten to know them?
Learning of Christ. There is so much out their to help in learning about Christ. The scriptures are the best source. Also the words of the prophets and apostles. I like what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland says:
Todays family scripture study we talked about Matthew 11:28-29 "Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me."
This fits right in with Step 3. Think double yolk where two oxen our bound together to do what one can't do alone. By combining with Christ He is helping us with our burdens that we can't do on our own. I don't know why we make this life harder than it needs to be. Trying to do everything on our own. That isn't what God intended for us to do. He knew we needed help all along the way, that's why he provided us with a Savior. He wants us all to make it back. He has provided tons of help for us. It is our own pigheadedness that keeps us from using it. The second part of the statement, "learn of Me," I think that is key to doing the first part. So what can I do today to learn of Christ?
Day 38: Love Fulfills Dreams
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (it not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possible can.
Dare to overwhelm your spouse with love!
I asked my husband what his greatest desire was. He said he is just trying to make it through one day at a time. I think addictions kill dreams. So I'm going to pray that he starts getting some. That he starts coming alive.
This can be hard if we focus on what we don't have. For instance, I thought God told me to marry this man. Why would I want to marry someone with this addiction? Well we wouldn't. If we trust God, then there is a reason why. I have wrestled with this question quite a bit. I now believe it was so I could come to trust God and really get to know him. When everything is going smoothly and wonderful, I'm less inclined to go to God for everything. I needed to learn that I had to depend on him. I have also found the closer I feel to God the easier it is for me to trust him. I guess the same could be said about my husband.
Day 37: Love Agrees In Prayer
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
My husband will probably have to think about this too. He has no problem with family prayer just couple prayer. He has issues trusting God too. I think prayer is one of the most powerful tools in fighting the adversary.
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.
Asked my husband if he would read scriptures with me everyday. He said he would think about it. At least he didn't say no. Even if he doesn't with me, I'll do it for me. It helps keep me sane.
I really like step 3. It isn't the easiest but it is one of the most liberating of steps. Last night my dear husband had a terrible time getting to sleep. I woke up at 1am and he wasn't in bed. I got up he wasn't in the house he had been going for a walk. He came to get his wallet and walk to the store for something to suck on. I just went back to bed, prayed for us both and went to sleep. I slept better than I have for a long time. I turned my worry over to God.
This morning I read the article "Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father" by Elder Neal A. Maxwell Ensign, Nov. 1995. This article is really amazing. Here is a link: Link Yesterday in my scripture study I was reading in Jacob 4 and came to verse 12 which says:
12And now, beloved, marvel not that I tell you these things; for why not aspeak of the atonement of Christ, and attain to a perfect knowledge of him, as to attain to the knowledge of a resurrection and the world to come?
This really struck me. I don't know how many times I have read this but didn't notice this part. Attain a perfect knowledge of him. Wow, this hit me with such force. I think this works perfectly with step 3. If we are coming to really know Christ, then we will trust him and can more easily turn our will and life over to him. So then today I read the above article and I felt peace. Here are some quotes I like from the article.
To the extent that we are not willing to be led by the Lord, we will be driven by our appetites, or we will be greatly preoccupied with the lesser things of the day.
Isn't this the truth. When I don't turn my will over to God I can worry and waste the day away.
Actually, everything depends--initially and finally--on our desires. These shape our thought patterns. Our desires thus precede our deeds and lie at the very cores of our souls, tilting us toward or away from God. God can "educate our desires". Others seek to manipulate our desires. But it is we who form the desires, the "thoughts and intents of [our] hearts."
Hence we'd better want the consequences of what we want!
I love this we'd better want the consequences of what we want. Going to bring this up at family scripture study. Kids should learn this.
As one's will is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials of life.
Need this.
Progression toward submission confers another blessing: an enhanced capacity for joy.
Want this.
Then he asks a good question. We all need to ask ourselves good questions. Sometimes we waste our time asking ourselves questions that drive us crazy or aren't that important. But this question--it's a good one.
In what ways am I shrinking or holding back? Meek introspection may yield some bold insights!
Then he tell us we may need to have our own refiners fire so to speak.
Along this pathway leading to consecration, stern and unsought challenges sometimes hasten this jettisoning, which is needed to achieve increased consecration. if we have grown soft, hard times may be necessary. If we are too contented, a dose of divine discontent may come....One may be scorched by humiliation so pride can be melted away. Whatever we lack will get attention, one way or another.
John Taylor indicated that the Lord may even choose towrench our very heartstrings.
Then he says that consecration is a process one drop at a time. Then a quote from President Young:
to submit to the hand of the Lord,...and acknowledge his hand in all things, ...then you will be exactly right; and until you come to that point, you cannot be entirely right. That is what we have to come to."
Then the end.
In conclusion, the submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we "give," brothers and sisters, are actually the tings He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!
Consecration thus constitutes the only unconditional surrender which is also a total victory!
It's a great article every time I read it I get something new out of it. I have it printed out and put in the back of my 12 step binder. I need all the help I can get to remember to let go and let God.
Day 35: Love is Accountable
Find a marriage mentor--someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
I used to think counseling was a waste of time and money. I should be able to figure things out on my own. But sometimes you need to get that other impartial opinion. If your marriage is falling apart it is definitely time to humble yourself and get some help. It is cheaper than divorce. I now know how beneficial it is with the right counselor. You may need to try a few to find the one that works for you both, but don't let your pride get in the way and give up. As for a mentor, that I don't have.
It's a good thing you can't drown in your own tears. I would be dead. It amazes me how much my body can produce. I didn't use to cry very much, now it comes so easy. I hate it. It makes my head throb, my eyes ache, eyelids to swell for days and makes it not as easy to apply makeup. If I could lose some weight as a result of emitting all those tears than I wouldn't regret it so much. But does that happen? No. Instead I think I gain more weight. Is that fair? No but we know that life isn't about being fair. Oh well, if I can get up the energy to jog and cry at the same time, I'd be good to go.
Day 34: Love Celebrates Godliness
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.
Well, my husband came to family scripture study today. You know I get more excited for him to do something spiritual than to get a raise or pretty much anything else. So I will thank him for this today. If fact he has been doing it for about two weeks now. I know it's hard for him to get up. But he has.
My husband is back in LifeStar, Yea! He said they have a group assignment to sabotage their fantasy's or something like that. That is one of the things that makes this addiction so hard to overcome. They can get their brain going and not even have to look at it. So I got to thinking and told him mine for the women in his fantasy's. I don't know what his fantasy's are. I don't want to know. But I know there are women in them. So here goes my sabotage, ha-ha.
He looks at the woman and her head starts to swell up like a balloon (it's empty so the air goes there first) and worms and slugs etc. are coming out the nostrils, ears and mouth. Then the rest of her body swells up to a huge ball. Think Harry Potter or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Then he goes to touch her and she pops. A stone that used to be her heart falls on his foot and crushes it, and feces spews all over him. Since she is full of crap. What a lovely visual. He said what if she is full of sugar and spice. I said no way is she making that vile stuff. She can repent. but this is his fantasy remember. And it is war. On my walk this morning I thought of something to add before she explodes. She leans over to whisper in his ear and spits acid in his ear that goes to his heart and starts killing him from the inside out. Isn't that what porn does? I don't know if it will help him, but it sure made me feel good this morning.
Love Dare, Day 32: Love Meets Sexual Needs
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
New month, new step. I think Step 3 can be a tough step for us co-dependents. We want to control, but this step is about trusting God enough to turn it over to him. But these steps are a process and in my case, by time I got to this step and worked with it for a while I was ready to give everything to God. What I was doing wasn't doing any good. This is a freeing step. You feel lighter when you finally turn it over to Him. So on to the step.
Step 3:
Key principle: Decide to turn our will and our life over to the care of God the Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.
I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize I needed to totally depend on God, and ask him for daily guidance and direction, if not for this awful addiction. I have had other "refining fires" but I didn't totally surrender my will, looking back at them. So this is what it took for me I guess. It could be worse. I'm glad God only gives us what we can handle with his help. But it would be nice to take a vacation from it for a while. :)
Love Dare Day 31: Love and Marriage
Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
The leaving issue refers to this scripture: "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24 Sometimes we think we are leaving and cleaving to our spouses but subconsciously we haven't completely there is a thread to the apron strings you forgot was there. As it says in "The Love Dare:" "Leave. And cleave. And dare to walk as one."
There was a point in our relationship that I put our children before my husband. It was easy to do. I hardly ever saw him. But that was a big mistake. Now I try to focus more on my husband and our relationship. Hopefully it will help.
In my scripture study today I was reading in Jacob 2. Verse five really struck me.
But behold, hearken ye unto me, and know that by the help of the all-powerful Creator of heaven and earth I can tell you concerning your athoughts, how that ye are beginning to labor in sin, which sin appeareth very abominable unto me, yea, and abominable unto God.
Our sins start with our thoughts. I know when I get depressed and down it all begins with my thoughts. My husband gets sucked into his addiction with his thoughts. I need to control my thoughts instead of my thoughts controlling me. My mantra for the day.
Day 30: Love Brings Unity
Isolate one area of division in your marriage and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that he would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.
A lot of these dares tell us to pray, which I think is a good thing. I believe prayer transforms a person. These dares may not make a difference in my husbands thinking but they do make a difference in mine. Prayer can help bring our eyes into focus.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Day 29: Love's Motivation
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I Love You," then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person--unconditionally, the way he loves both of you.
This is a thought provoking dare. What motivates me to love my husband? Is it my husband? Sometimes, but a lot of the time it has been the complete opposite, so I can't rely on that motivation. Love out of duty? I did that for a while but that doesn't last long enough to have a marriage. I need a love motivated by God. I usually pray to love my husband, to see him as God sees him and that has been a miracle in my life. I have been able to see the great things about my husband and hold onto that in the tough times.
We love our children, even when they make very bad choices. We may not trust them, but we love them. This we must do with our husbands. Love them, they have lost our trust through their actions and lies but that they will have to earn back. But they shouldn't have to earn our love. God loves us unconditionally, both of us. Since I'm not perfect, that's why I have to pray for his help to love. The great thing is, he has given it to me. A gift.
I was reading another chapter in "He Restoreth My Soul" today Chapter 13 "Cerebral Software." This is chapter has steps to help overcome the addiction. I related to this step because it is something that I can apply to me.
The first step was to have the addict visualize what there life would be without the addiction. Then if they can see they need recovery to ask themselves the following three questions.
What do you want?
What are you willing to do?
How far are you willing to go?
These are great questions. They could be applied to any addiction, compulsive eating, shopping, being a co-dependent etc. What kind of person do I want to be? What am I willing to do to become that person? How far am I willing to go to become that person? If I'm not willing to do much in questions two or three, then I didn't want what I wanted in question 1 bad enough.
As I go through the twelve steps, I peel of layers of myself that I had buried for a long time, in order to feel safe. So I am rediscovering myself. But it is also a time that I can reinvent myself. That is why I like these questions. What do I really want? I need to think about that for a while.
Day 28: Love Makes Sacrifices
What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
What kind of spouse do I want to be. Regardless of how my spouse treats or thinks of me, what do I want to become. This experience really helps you decide what you are going to be made of. What you are going to be like. Am I going to live my life an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth? Or am I going to "turn the other cheek"? Am I going to remember "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.
This is the hardest one for me so far. My weakness is I expect perfection of myself and therefore project that onto my family. That isn't fair to anyone. I'm glad I'm doing the dare again. I needed to be reminded of this. Get the mote out of my own eye. It is easy to rebel when you think someone has put unrealistic expectations on you. I know I do that. But not doing this anymore is easier said than done. Any ideas? This is where I am going to really dig deep within myself and go to God constantly. This has been ingrained in me for as long as I can remember. I am better than I used to be but not good enough. (Guess I even need to be perfect about this. Ha ha.) I scripture I'm going to focus on today and for a while is 1Thessalonians 5:11,14
Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. ...be patient toward all men.
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
As you work through the 12 steps, you do this. Then in a later step you do it on a continuing basis, which is better than waiting and storing up things you need to apologize for. Better to do it as soon as you recognize what you did wrong. Much easier to do that way. Pride is a big stumbling block in marriages. No-one ever wants to admit that they did something wrong. That we are less than perfect. But we are less than perfect. If we weren't, we wouldn't need God. Boy do I need God. This journey has been incredibly humbling and it keeps being so. But on the good side I am finding myself and God.
I love this quote, actually the entire talk is great. It gives me hope which is what step 2 is all about.
There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, "No one understands. No one knows." No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, and succor--literally run to us--and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power. David A Bednar BYU Devotional, "In the strength of the Lord" Link
Today's dare could possibly be the hardest one in the book. Luckily the 12 Steps don't start out with this because, frankly you have to grow into it.
Day 25: Love Forgives
Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "Forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "Forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."
I remember when I was in middle school there was a boy in my neighborhood that was very rude and mean to me. I hated him. I couldn't stand being on the same planet with him. I was so angry at him and held onto that for a while. Then I realized that my anger wasn't doing anything to hurt him, just me. It was physically making me sick. So I prayed for help in not hating him any more. I remember when I finally forgave him. I finally felt better. I think that experience was a tender mercy from God. It helped me with being able to forgive my husband.
This addiction really tests you. You really find out what your made of and your relationship with God. I think forgiving someone takes a huge amount of faith. You are turning the issue over to God to deal with. We don't have to worry about the fairness of it, or if they will be punished. That isn't our problem. That's what God is for. We forgive so we can become Christ like. That is how we turn our burden over to him. The peace and the freedom that comes from forgiving someone is amazing. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has helped me to forgive my husband. I couldn't do it on my own, but with his help I can do anything. The sad thing about this addiction is we get lots of practice at forgiving. It's not something that is stopped when they first decide they want to quit. But since we aren't perfect either, we need God to forgive us over and over too.
I have to say I read todays Love Dare chapter and wished by husband would read it. Maybe one day he will. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Well here it is so you know what I am talking about.
Day 24: Love Vs. Lust
End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed--today--and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
So I was thinking what do I lust for. Lust had bad connotations but if its just longing for then I do lust for things. I want my bathroom redone so I can use it. I want my kitchen redone, because I hate it. It isn't as usable as I want and everything is starting to break. So I need to go back to being grateful with what I have. I have other bathrooms to use. Not everything in my kitchen is broken. But I'm not sure this consumes me like pornography addiction consumes the addict that is in it. But does that make it okay for me no.
Today in our family scripture study we were talking about Matthew 5 and how Christ expects us to live a higher law than the world. For instance the world- no adultery. Christ --no looking with lust. The world embraces lust. Look at the advertising world, it throws it in your face. Lusting for things and people has become the norm instead of the exception. I have to say I would watch HGTV and lust after those beautiful kitchens. We recently got rid of cable and don't even have any TV channels right now. I don't miss it a bit. That really helps me. So again today I will focus on being grateful for what I have.
Some days are there to just teach us that we need to depend on God. To remind me I am nothing without him. Yesterday was such a day. I'm glad its over and I am ready for today.
Day 23: Love Always Protects
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
This got me thinking. When does my heart start to turn away from my spouse? It is when I start to focus on what he is lacking instead of his many good qualities. When I am in an "attitude of gratitude" frame of mind, I have hope. This is what I need to start the healing process. It is so easy to slip in the quagmire of despair when I loose site of what blessings I have been given. The many tender mercies the Lord gives me to remind me he is there and cares about me. I think Satan loves it when I focus on the negative. Then I am more open to destroying the family unit. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of that. He has already had to much pleasure at our families expense.
I think gratitude is a vital ingredient in Step 2. Believing that God can restore us to complete spiritual and emotional health. When we are grateful we open ourselves up to what God has in store for us. When we are ungrateful we are shutting him out of our life. Yesterday, I slipped back into my old pattern of trying to control my husband. I didn't like myself. That isn't who I want to be. That isn't who I am going to be. I had to let go and let God. Then I started to feel hope and gratitude. But when I was in the funk I felt awful and dark. I love these steps. They help me to stay focused and get out of my funky mood more quickly.
So today I am going to be grateful for everything God has given me. There is a reason for it all.
Love is a choice, not a feeling. If is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I Love You. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
I needed this one today. Some days you just wake up and it gets started out on the wrong foot and you need to be reminded of what is important. One of my triggers for my funky moods is being really tired. Well I am really, really tired. So this step is a good reminder of who I want to be. I want to be a loving person no matter what. Even when it is not returned. I think that is the hardest time of all. So I did it. Said it to my loving husband and he smiled. I think he thinks I'm nuts sometimes. Well, I am.
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (There are thirty-one--a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
I love this challenge. Without God we are nothing. This helps me to focus on what is most important. I like the phrase walk with Him. That's what I want. To be comfortable enough with God to walk with Him, talk to Him and learn from Him. Enjoy your journey.
I just finished reading chapter 6 "It is a drug," in the book He Restoreth My Soul by Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD. I can't say I understood it all as I'm not a medical person but this is what I did get.
Pornography addiction causes a "frontal lobe syndrome," or a shrinkage in the frontal control areas of the brain--like a traumatic brain injury.
With abstinence the brain can heal and regain its size.
With pornography addicts are using adrenaline, dopamine and other powerful brain drugs without a prescription. Porn is a form of prescription drug abuse.
"Patrick Carnes describes grief as on stage of recovery, where the addicted person actually feels emptiness when saying "goodbye" to his old friend, the addiction. It maybe the combination of craving for dopamine and yearning for oxytocin-bonded pornography, among other things, that pushes the person to act out and view pornography."
To the person addicted to porn, sex becomes their primary focus and life gets in the way of doing the only thing they want to do--view porn.
Sexual addiction causes more extensive atrophy of the brain than drugs. Sexual addictions are harder to overcome than drug addictions.
Porn addicts learning and memory areas of the brain are effected. They become less focused at work or school.
All addictions behavioral patterns of deceit and cyclic acting out are similar. Loved ones of addicts experience similar frustrations.
Porn addicts have withdrawal symptoms. During the first few weeks of abstinence they may experience, headaches, irritability, restlessness, sleeplessness, anxiety among other things. These symptoms are relentless which can lead to a relapse, followed by despair and depression. Hence it is only a temporary fix.
So in summary:
"In a sense, the 'brake pads' of the brain wear out, and the person runs through important 'stop signs.'"
"Simple pleasures aren't enough anymore, and the person must act out in addiction to get back to this "new normal" state."
"Thus the pornography experience becomes a virtual mistress, and provides another tether which must be addressed to heal."
I really recommend getting the book to get all the details. It was enlightening. This isn't just something they can use willpower to overcome. They need help to recover, and so do we. Reading this has explained things I had observed in my husband and wondered how could he think like that? Now I know. He has shrunk his brain.
This is why the twelve steps are so important. They help us to realize that we need God help. This is bigger than us. Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore us to complete spiritual and emotional health. We need divine help.
"Only He can give us power, knowledge, peace, and joy. We have only two choices. We can either follow the Lord and be endowed with His power and have peace, light, strength, knowledge, confidence, love and joy, or we can go some other way, any other way, whatever other way, and go it alone--without His support, without His power, without guidance, in darkness, turmoil, doubt, grief, and despair." Lawrence E. Corbridge, "The Way" Ensign Nov. 2008
Day 20: Love Is Jesus Christ
Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection.Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.
I will change this a bit for me. I will pray to Heavenly Father instead of Jesus and ask what he would have me do etc.
