Life Is Real

Sometimes life throws a wrench to see if you believe everything you thought you did. Yea, I love being reminded of my past imperfections.
Came upon this quote President Hinckley quoted in a talk. I thought I was just what I needed.

“Anyone who imagines that bliss [in marriage] is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

“[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” (“Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4).

That just about says it all. Here is a link to the talk. Talk

Trails Make Us Stronger

I was reading the chapter "Firm and Steadfast in Humility" in He Restoreth My Soul and there is a poem there that I really like. It fits what we are going through.

The tree that never had to fight 

For sun and sky and air and light

But stood out in the open plain 

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil

To gain and farm his patch of soil, 

Who never had to win his share

Of sun and sky and light and air,

Never became a manly man

But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow. 

Where thickest lies the forest growth,

We find the patriarchs of both.

And they hold counsel with the stars

Whose broken branches show the scars

Of many winds and much of strife.

This is the common law of life.

--Douglass Malloch 

 It's a good reminder that trials  make us stronger and without them we would be weak. 

I have found listening to good music helps me feel hopeful. So I now listen to a Christian radio station. My husband has started listening to it too. I really believe the music we listen to can influence us even if we don't realize it. He used to listen to stuff I didn't feel was appropriate. So I'm glad he is adding this kind of  music to his listening time.
This is a song I love. The words remind me to have hope and trust God. Enjoy.
What Faith Can Do by Kutless

 

New Guide

Saturday, I felt like a walking Zombie. But luckily things change, life goes on and you can snap out of it. My husband has been very nice to me since Friday night. I know something good will come out of all of this. This is where patience comes in real handy.

I was so glad the 12 step meeting was Sunday. It was so good to go. We got an updated Guide. They added Appendix's that you read also. So Instead of rotating reading the steps every 12 weeks it is now every 17 weeks, if I am understanding it correctly. So the new sections we read at meetings are:

1. Understanding the Program
2. Processing Our Emotions
3. Identifying Unhealthy Behaviors
4. Solutions For Unhealthy Behaviors
5. Loving As God Loves

Last night we started with "Understanding the Program." It was good. I'll share some of the things that I really liked/needed. 

When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change?    --Elder Richard G. Scott "Trust in the Lord" Ensign Nov. 1995

I think this is so key to getting healthy. We can keep asking all the wrong questions and get more depressed. I really liked this quote. Another quote by Elder Scott:

No matter what the source of difficulty...[all] human reaction to a challenge in life that engenders hatred, despondency, distrust, anger, or revenge must be supplanted by the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son....Do what you can do a step at a time....the surest, most effective, and shortest path to healing comes through application of the teachings of Jesus Christ in your life.

I can't wait to read through everything.

My Fire Gets Bigger

Well eSafeKids works. Yesterday I came home and logged onto the site from my  phone and you can click on search keywords which shows you what has been keyed into search pages like Google.com. This was the first time  I clicked on this link so I didn't know about it. What I saw made my heart race, my headache and my stomach feel sick. My son had been trying to look at porn.  I told my husband and we had a nice talk with our son. It appears he has been looking at porn off and on for two years or so. My husband told him about his struggles with pornography.

Needless to say my heart broke again. How many times is the heart able to break? He did agree to go to 12 step meetings with my husband. That means that my husband will start going to the meetings. So maybe there will be good come out of this. I know this son will beat it. He has a strong testimony and loves God. That will help. I told my husband he needs to make his peace with God so he can help our son. It's not about him anymore. I know he will try, I hope.

I'm glad I'm working on step 3 now. Trusting God and turning it to him is what I have to do.
I'm mad at myself for  not getting this blocker sooner. The controls on the computer obviously weren't very good.

I would hate to go through this and not believe in God. How incredibly lonely.

Continue in Patience

My husband came home from work last night because he said it was safer than staying at work. Yea!

This brings me to step 3, in trusting in God. This step requires that we develop patience with God and his timing. This is one of the benefits of doing the 12 steps and having a "refining fire." We develop patience or we go crazy. I've done the crazy bit and didn't enjoy it. I'm now focusing on being patient. I have to say when I was a young mom, I used to pray for patience. After my third child who was incredibly active, I stopped praying for patience. But God has a way of answering our prayers in his own way and in his own timing. The past year I have really become much more patient than ever before. I still have a long ways to go, but I have come so far. So I'm going to pat myself on the back and get to work. I really enjoy the talk Patience by Neal A. Maxwell Talk Link.
Also I enjoyed this video. I have to keep reminding myself to be patient with God. He knows best.

Internet Protection

We bought a new Internet monitor. It monitors all computers, including wireless and all wireless devices. It monitors IPod and the Wii and our phones if they have the Wi-Fi turned on. You can monitor it through the internet anywhere and see what pages have been accessed. It blocks all the porn sites, hopefully. There is no way around it unless you unplug it then you would know from the daily summary. I'm not to sure how excited my husband it about this but I am very  happy. I don't want that garbage in my home. It was easy to set up and only cost $119.99 plus shipping. I found a coupon code online that took of $20. No other fees ever. What a bargain.
esafekids

Day 40: Love is a Covenant

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being on with our mate.

I did this last year.I'm going to dig them up and reread them and see what changes I need to make. We did the renewal vow thing. It was nice. If we ever get to a better place I think I will want to do it again.

This 40 day journey has been very thought provoking and I'm glad I did it. It reminded me of things that are important about my relationship with my husband. But I know I need to keep doing the dare if I want my marriage to get stronger.

Love Endures

Day 39: Love Endures

Spend Time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your souse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

In today's society people seem to get divorced at the drop of a hat. They don't really have a deep commitment, that says I here for you even when you disappoint me and when times get hard. I believe one of the reasons that marriage is so important, is that it is in this relationship that you really refine your character. Where else are we so vulnerable and can be hurt so much? Where else can we become what we are meant to become?

In my scripture study today I was reading in Jacob 7. Where Sherem challenges Jacob, then admits he has lied to the people and to God. Then he dies. Then the people searched the scriptures. Would they have been sucked into Sherem's lies if they had been searching the scriptures before hand and had gotten to know them?

Learning of Christ. There is so much out their to help  in learning about Christ. The scriptures are the best source. Also the words of the prophets and apostles. I like what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland says:

... we must be firmly attached to Him...

Not a weak link, but firmly attached.