Saturday, March 12, 2011

My Fire Gets Bigger

Well eSafeKids works. Yesterday I came home and logged onto the site from my  phone and you can click on search keywords which shows you what has been keyed into search pages like Google.com. This was the first time  I clicked on this link so I didn't know about it. What I saw made my heart race, my headache and my stomach feel sick. My son had been trying to look at porn.  I told my husband and we had a nice talk with our son. It appears he has been looking at porn off and on for two years or so. My husband told him about his struggles with pornography.

Needless to say my heart broke again. How many times is the heart able to break? He did agree to go to 12 step meetings with my husband. That means that my husband will start going to the meetings. So maybe there will be good come out of this. I know this son will beat it. He has a strong testimony and loves God. That will help. I told my husband he needs to make his peace with God so he can help our son. It's not about him anymore. I know he will try, I hope.

I'm glad I'm working on step 3 now. Trusting God and turning it to him is what I have to do.
I'm mad at myself for  not getting this blocker sooner. The controls on the computer obviously weren't very good.

I would hate to go through this and not believe in God. How incredibly lonely.

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