Peace

Wow, I didn't realize how long it has been since I had written. My husband moved out of our room and issued a challenge to me etc. So I have been focusing of things other than the blog. I have to say I have slept much better since he moved out. I don't know how much of it is because he isn't in our room, or because I am learning to trust God on a whole new level.

My new favorite scripture is Alma 37:37:

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for ^bgood; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the ^cmorning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

I read this every night before I go to bed and think about it every morning. I  like the word counsel. That isn't telling God what to do but asking for advise then taking it, because he directs me for my good. Every night I tell him he can have my worries and I go to sleep. I haven't slept this good for probably ten years or so. This past month, I have really gotten to know God loves me. That has made it easier to trust him I think. I know that he will be with me no matter what happens. I know that what needs to happen will happen. I am now more dependent on him than ever. I am listening better to the spirit. I feel at peace. Who knew that by having you life turned upside down that you can find real peace. But I do and I feel calm. God loves me, what more do I need?

Don't Counsel God

I came home from my 12 step meeting yesterday and my husband and son were working in the kitchen on their 12 manual. YEAH!!!! They were actually writing in their books. My husband hates to write in books, so this is progress. Goes to show God is in charge. Sometimes we just pretend to be but he really is. Much easier to not even pretend and let God do his thing. Which brings me to days thought:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5) and


"Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand." (Jacob 4:10)

Mother doesn't always know best. Thought questions for today:

• What can I do to trust God's guidance instead of trusting my own understanding? 
• In what ways have I tried to counsel the Lord?

The last question would take pages to answer. I have tried to tell God what to do in regard to my family a lot. Now it's help them in the way that they need most, or if that's what is best. I now know how little I know.

Happily Ever After

Yesterday while I was driving to the temple I had an overwhelming peace come over me. I knew I could be happy and that I would be okay, no matter what my husband did, didn't do, believed or didn't believe. I know me, what I think feel, did or didn't do or believe. His beliefs are his problem. It felt so good. If I can keep that feeling it would be easy. But life isn't easy so I will try to keep that experience for when I need it in the future.

The quote today from Step Three:

"We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own 'happily ever after.' The truth is, God knows how to get there! And He has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness....All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan."  President Dieter F. Uchtdort

There is again, trust in God. Why do we have such a hard time trusting God. He is perfect, we aren't. Wouldn't it make sense to trust someone who doesn't make mistakes? But we don't at first. We have to keep falling on our faces before we admit that maybe we don't know what we are doing. Then we wonder why our kids don't listen to us and learn from our mistakes. We make our life harder than it needs to be by insisting that we do things our way first.

I finished a book today The Lessons of Love by Melody Beattie it was an interesting book. A quick read. It was about how she had a big loss her son died and how she almost died of a broken heart and how she rediscovered her  passion for life again. Realizing that all the hard times were teaching her about love. I related to it on the level of mourning for a marriage I wanted that won't get. Wanting to die because I felt life was just to hard and was pointless. But then realizing it wasn't just about me. My kids needed me. I needed to find me. To learn to find joy and love. I'm still a work in progress, but I am not in the dark place I used to be. I'm working on my 'happily ever after.'

Love Prays

Step 3: Trust in God

This can be hard if we focus on what we don't have. For instance, I thought God told me to marry this man. Why would I want to marry someone with this addiction? Well we wouldn't. If we trust God, then there is a reason why. I have wrestled with this question quite a bit. I now believe it was so I could come to trust God and really get to know him. When everything is going smoothly and wonderful, I'm less inclined to go to God for everything. I needed to learn that I had to depend on him. I have also found the closer I feel to God the easier it is for me to trust him. I guess the same could be said about my husband.

Day 37: Love Agrees In Prayer

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

My husband will probably have to think about this too. He has no problem with family prayer just couple prayer. He has issues trusting God too. I think prayer is one of the most powerful tools in fighting the adversary.

Trust in God

New month, new step. I think Step 3 can be a tough step for us co-dependents. We want to control, but this step is about trusting God enough to turn it over to him. But these steps are a process and in my case, by time I got to this step and worked with it for a while I was ready to give everything to God. What I was doing wasn't doing any good. This is a freeing step. You feel lighter when you finally turn it over to Him. So on to the step.


Step 3:

Key principle: Decide to turn our will and our life over to the care of God the Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.

I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize I needed to totally depend on God, and ask him for daily guidance and direction, if not for this awful addiction.  I have had other "refining fires" but I didn't totally surrender my will, looking back at them. So this is what it took for me I guess. It could be worse. I'm glad God only gives us what we can handle with his help. But it would be nice to take a vacation from it for a while. :)

Love Dare Day 31: Love and Marriage

Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

The leaving issue refers to this scripture: "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24  Sometimes we think we are leaving and cleaving to our spouses but subconsciously we haven't completely there is a thread to the apron strings you forgot was there. As it says in "The Love Dare:"  "Leave. And cleave. And dare to walk as one."


There was a point in our relationship that I put our children before my husband. It was easy to do. I hardly ever saw him. But that was a big mistake. Now I try to focus more on my husband and our relationship. Hopefully it will help.