Sins Begin As Thoughts

In my scripture study today I was reading in Jacob 2. Verse five really struck me.

But behold, hearken ye unto me, and know that by the help of the all-powerful Creator of heaven and earth I can tell you concerning your ^athoughts, how that ye are beginning to labor in sin, which sin appeareth very abominable unto me, yea, and abominable unto God.

Our sins start with our thoughts. I know when I get depressed and down it all begins with my thoughts. My husband gets sucked into his addiction with his thoughts. I need to control my thoughts instead of my thoughts controlling me.  My mantra for the day.

Day 30: Love Brings Unity

Isolate one area of division in your marriage and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that he would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

 A lot of these dares tell us to pray, which I think is a good thing. I believe prayer transforms a person. These dares may not make a difference in my husbands thinking but they do make a difference in mine. Prayer can help bring  our eyes into focus.

Day 29: Love's Motivation

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I Love You," then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person--unconditionally, the way he loves both of you.

This is a thought provoking dare. What motivates me to love my husband? Is it my husband? Sometimes, but a lot of the time it has been the complete opposite, so I can't rely on that motivation. Love out of duty? I did that for a while but that doesn't last long enough to have a marriage. I need a love motivated by God. I usually pray to love my husband, to see him as God sees him and that has been a miracle in my life. I have been able to see the great things about my husband and hold onto that in the tough times.

We love our children, even when they make very bad choices. We may not trust them, but we love them. This we must do with our husbands. Love them, they have lost our trust through their actions and lies but that they will have to earn back. But they shouldn't have to earn our love. God loves us unconditionally, both of us. Since I'm not perfect, that's why I have to pray for his help to love. The great thing is, he has given it to me. A gift.

What Do I Want To Become?

I was reading another chapter in "He Restoreth My Soul" today Chapter 13 "Cerebral Software." This is chapter has steps to help overcome the addiction. I related to this step because it is something that I can apply to me.
The first step was to have the addict visualize what there life would be without the addiction. Then if they can see they need recovery to ask themselves the following three questions.

1. What do you want?
2. What are you willing to do?
3. How far are you willing to go?

These are great questions. They could be applied to any addiction, compulsive eating, shopping, being a co-dependent etc. What kind of person do I want to be? What am I willing to do to become that person? How far am I willing to go to become that person? If I'm not willing to do much in questions two or three, then I didn't want what I wanted in question 1 bad enough. 

As  I go through the twelve steps, I peel of layers of myself that I had buried for a long time, in order to feel safe. So I am rediscovering myself. But it is also a time that I can reinvent myself. That is why I like these questions. What do I really want? I need to think about that for a while.

Day 28: Love Makes Sacrifices

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

What kind of spouse do I want to be. Regardless of how my spouse treats or thinks of me, what do I want to become. This experience really helps you decide what you are going to be made of. What you are going to be like. Am I going to live my life an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth? Or am I going to "turn the other cheek"?  Am I  going to remember "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Love Encourages

Day 27: Love Encourages

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love. 

 This is the hardest one for me so far. My weakness is I expect perfection of myself and therefore project that onto my family. That isn't fair to anyone. I'm glad I'm doing the dare again. I needed to be reminded of this. Get the mote out of my own eye. It is easy to rebel when you think someone has put unrealistic expectations on you. I know I do that. But not doing this anymore is easier said than done. Any ideas? This is where I am going to really dig deep within myself and go to God constantly. This has been ingrained in me for as long as I can remember. I am better than I used to be but not good enough. (Guess I even need to be perfect about this. Ha ha.) I scripture I'm going to focus on today and for a while is 1Thessalonians 5:11,14

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. ...be patient toward all men.

I even need to be patient with myself.

 

Needing God

Day 26: Love is Responsible

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

As you work through the 12 steps, you do this. Then in a later step you do it on a continuing basis, which is better than waiting and storing up things you need to apologize for. Better to do it as soon as you recognize what you did  wrong. Much easier to do that way. Pride is a big stumbling block in marriages. No-one ever wants to admit that they did something wrong. That we are less than perfect. But we are less than perfect. If we weren't, we wouldn't need God. Boy do I  need God. This journey has been incredibly humbling and it keeps being so. But on the good side I am finding myself and God.

I love this quote, actually the entire talk is great. It gives me hope which is what step 2 is all about.

There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, "No one understands. No one knows." No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, and succor--literally run to us--and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power.  David A Bednar BYU Devotional, "In the strength of the Lord"  Link

Love Forgives

Today's dare could possibly be the hardest one in the book. Luckily the 12 Steps don't start out with this because, frankly you have to grow into it.

Day 25: Love Forgives

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "Forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "Forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."

I remember when I was in middle school there was a boy in my neighborhood that was very rude and mean to me. I hated him. I couldn't stand being on the same planet with him. I was so angry at him and held onto that for a while. Then I realized that my anger wasn't doing anything to hurt him, just me. It was physically making me sick. So I prayed for help in not hating him any more. I remember when I finally forgave him. I finally felt better. I think that experience was a tender mercy from God. It helped me with being able to forgive my husband.

This addiction really tests you. You really find out what your made of and your relationship with God. I think forgiving someone takes a huge amount of faith. You are turning the issue over to God to deal with. We don't have to worry about the fairness of it, or if they will be punished. That isn't our problem. That's what God is for. We forgive so we can become Christ like. That is how we turn our burden over to him. The peace and the freedom that comes from forgiving someone is amazing. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has helped me to forgive my husband. I couldn't do it on my own, but with his help I can do anything. The sad thing about this addiction is we get lots of practice at forgiving. It's not something that is stopped when they first decide they want to quit. But since we aren't perfect either, we need God to forgive us over and over too.

Love vs. Lust

I have to say I read todays Love Dare chapter and wished by husband would read it. Maybe one day he will. But I'm not going to hold my breath. Well here it is so you know what I am talking about.

Day 24: Love Vs. Lust

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed--today--and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

 So I was thinking what do I lust for. Lust had bad connotations but if its just longing for then I do lust for things. I want my bathroom redone so I can use it. I want my kitchen redone, because I hate it. It isn't as usable as I want and everything is starting to break. So I need to go back to being grateful with what I have. I have other bathrooms to use. Not everything in my kitchen is broken. But I'm not sure this consumes me like pornography addiction consumes the addict that is in it. But does that make it okay for me no.

Today in our family scripture study we were talking about Matthew 5 and how Christ expects us to live a higher law than the world. For instance the world- no adultery. Christ --no looking with lust. The world embraces lust. Look at the advertising world, it throws it in your face. Lusting for things and people has become the norm instead of the exception. I have to say I would watch HGTV and lust after those beautiful kitchens. We recently got rid of cable and don't even have any TV channels right now. I don't miss it a bit. That really helps me. So again today I will focus on being grateful for what I have.