Vulnerability My Problem?

Last night I watched  this YouTube video my husband was told about. It was very thought provoking. It is by Brene (Sorry don't know how to put that mark over the e.)  Brown talking about shame, fear, connection and vulnerability and what it takes to be wholehearted. I have felt a lot of shame about my past and having a husband with an addiction. With that comes fear, fear I will never be good enough, fear that people will find out about his addiction, fear they will judge me, etc. I have lots of fears. I have been letting them go, but they have been there a long while. She made an interesting statement that the less you talk about shame the more you have. This I can understand. Once I talked about my life, all its imperfections, I started to heal. I started to learn to understand myself. So this part made sense.

Then she said that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love, or something to that effect. I have to say I hate feeling vulnerable. I like feeling in control and you can't be in control and be vulnerable at the same time. But you know she may be right. Because I didn't want to be vulnerable in my marriage maybe that is part of  our problem. I don't have any real close friends, again I think its because I don't  want to feel vulnerable. But because of this I know I am missing out on something good.

Anyway this is giving me food for thought. So here you can watch and see what you think. Let me know your thoughts.