Butt-Kicker Emotions

I hate to admit it but I had a major relapse yesterday. So what is a relapse for me? Letting my emotions take me to an unhealthy, miserable place. Lately I've been really good about catching myself before it gets too bad. Yesterday, it was not the case.

So what is a butt-kicker emotion. These are emotions that trigger me into the spiral down to despair so to speak. They can be different for everyone. My top four butt-kicker emotions are:

1. Unloved
2. Powerlessness
3. Inadequacy
4. Unappreciated

Yesterday it was feeling unloved by my spouse. I don't know why it hit me so hard yesterday like it did. I  know, in my head, he doesn't feel love for me. I guess yesterday it hit me in the heart. I was vulnerable and went  to talk to my husband about his feelings. He has been withdrawing more the past two months or so, so I asked him about it. This was a mistake. I need to guard my heart more.

So my emotion of feeling unloved started taking over my body so to speak. So finally last night I pulled out  my survival notebook I made while doing LifeStar and went over it. In my book I have pictures that make me smile, quotes that lift my spirits, a letter I wrote to God during one of my 12 steps, "My Measuring Stick, and my "Emotional Folders," and some other miscellaneous stuff.  I read through my Unloved Emotional Folder and started feeling a little better. 

This is what I have on my Unloved page:

1. Negative Self Talk 

     What negative stuff have I been telling myself like 

•  I'm not good enough to be loved.
•  I don't deserve to be loved.
• Nobody loves  me.

2. I feel: then how am I feeling at that moment:

•  lonely, rejected, worthless, sad, regret

3. Healthy Self Talk: Now I feed myself healthy talk to replace the  negative. 

• God will always love me, no matter what! 
• I may not be good at everything, but I am good enough for God to love me.
• Everybody deserves to be loved.

4. What can I learn from this feeling?

• I'm relying on others to make me feel loved.
• I'm still not in a healthy place.

5.What am I going to do based on these lessons to cope in this moment?

• Take time out for myself. I made me cocoa and popcorn and watched a movie.
• I have other things listed but just did the above last night.

6. How does this help me in future situations?

• All of  my emotions seem to tie in together, with this being my major butt-kicker. I need to realize that I don't need to feel loved by others to be loved or worth loving.

Usually I catch myself with the negative talk and replace it with positive talk. And tell myself I'm relying on others to feel loved and that God loves  me know matter what. However, if I don't catch myself and I'm feeling vulnerable, watch out there I go.