Twelve C's of Emotional and Spiritual Healing 1-4

As I was working on Step 2 this morning I came to the Twelve C's of Emotional and Spiritual Healing. Well I got to the 4th C and I may spend some time on this one. So here are the first 4 C's.

1. I come to understand that I didn't cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can't control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I can come to accept that I can't cure the addiction.   However...
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, relapses, etc.).

So I am going to reeducate myself about the addiction again. You forget things,so I'm going to study again.  I started reading  again the book, "He Restoreth My Soul" by Donald L. Hilton Jr. M.D.. It is a really good book for helping you understand the addiction and how it affects the brain. I had many aha moments when reading it the first time. I was more of an emotional wreak last time I read it, so I think I will get even more out of it this time around. I like the fact that he tells it like it is and doesn't sugar coat it for the men. Some quotes from the book I like:

"the perspective of the person acting out in addiction is progressively constricted until nothing exists but obsession." 

"Addiction is the very definition of selfishness..."

"As pleasure centers are abused and damaged, normal pleasures become less recognized by the brain as desirable. Relationships are devalued in the addicted person's warped new world.... Values change to accommodate the need to sate voracious desire, and spirituality is one of the first casualties. honesty is disregarded; lies are rationalized as necessary to protect the innocent." pp10,11

"As resistance evaporates, the time between one viewing of pornography and the next lessons. Their world becomes completely sexualized. Brain chemicals and the adversary synergistcally act in an unholy alliance of soul-searing destruction." pg. 11

This so described what I witnessed in my husband but what I couldn't explain. I thought he was loosing his mind. He was but in a way I  couldn't relate to or understand. It was good to learn about the addictive cycle.

1. Preoccupation
2. Ritualization
3. Acting Out
4. Despair--shame, guilt which leads to secrecy and deception and pride, he can fix himself.

We as spouses can feel when they have gone through the cycle. Our radar seems to be flashing. Problem, Problem! How could they do it again. But they do. They will never get over this addiction until they get outside help and come to the Savior. I think that is hard at first for them because of all the shame.

Another interesting part Dr. Hilton talked about were the four stages of escalation, based on a study by Dr. Victor Cline.

1. Addiction
2. Escalation
3. Desensitization
4. Acting Out Sexually

http://mentalhealthlibrary.info/library/porn/pornlds/pornldsauthor/links/victorcline/porneffect.htm You can read about it here. I thought it was interested if not a little scary.

I think if I am aware of what my husband is going through I will be more understanding of the challenges and be able to help him the way he needs me to. Also to be able to protect my kids and myself better. I hate pornography! There is not one thing redeeming about it. But this is one of Satan's greatest tools to break apart the family and we can't stick our heads in the sand and pretend it isn't there.