Passing Through The Eye of the Storm

I realize I have been in the eye of the storm and now am entering the other side. What will happen I don't know. I am really glad I had the quote I posted yesterday. That I won't experience a moment more difficulty than I need. I wish I didn't need so much, but it's at least comforting that I won't get any more than I must.


Seek Revelation and follow it. The last part of step three.

Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together. That’s why Nephi could say, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.” ² He knew the spiritual laws upon which inspiration and power are based. Yes, God answers prayer and gives us spiritual direction when we live obediently and exercise the required faith in Him. Link Elder Scott

 

Thought Questions

• When I receive revelation from God, how can I have the courage to follow it? 
• As I read Elder Scott's complete talk what else can I learn about receiving guidance from the Lord?
• How have I been applying faith and real intent in my prayers and in following the will of God?

Now I get to see what I am really made of and believe. I think that is why my storm is getting stronger.

Trials Are Good

There are times when I think I can't take life anymore. I want things to change, and to change now. Oh if life were that easy. But it always seems to be that just when you think you can't take one more thing going wrong, life gets a bit better for a moment to give you a chance to breath. It is always like this. I just have to remember to hang on a little longer it will get better. Then this morning when I'm reading step 3 I get this quote by Elder Richard G. Scott:

When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved  Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love. Talk

That is really comforting to me. It does amaze me as to how much we can endure though, we are amazing.
Thought questions for today:

• How can I come to trust that God's plan will bless me and those that I love?
• Why is it important to submit cheerfully?
• How can I learn to submit cheerfully
• How does keeping a gratitude journal help me to submit cheerfully to God's will?

I will say that not fighting my trials tooth and nail makes it much easier to bear them when "I let go and let God". 

Also when I try to look for my blessings for the day. It is really hard to be bitter when you are trying to be grateful. 

Don't Counsel God

I came home from my 12 step meeting yesterday and my husband and son were working in the kitchen on their 12 manual. YEAH!!!! They were actually writing in their books. My husband hates to write in books, so this is progress. Goes to show God is in charge. Sometimes we just pretend to be but he really is. Much easier to not even pretend and let God do his thing. Which brings me to days thought:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5) and


"Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand." (Jacob 4:10)

Mother doesn't always know best. Thought questions for today:

• What can I do to trust God's guidance instead of trusting my own understanding? 
• In what ways have I tried to counsel the Lord?

The last question would take pages to answer. I have tried to tell God what to do in regard to my family a lot. Now it's help them in the way that they need most, or if that's what is best. I now know how little I know.

The Lord Knows More

I wonder what would have happened to my son if I had left my husband instead of hanging in there. Would he have thought that I couldn't love him anymore because  he has this problem too? I don't know. But I'm glad I hung in there. I think that my son having a problem (albeit much, much less than my husband) will help my husband.

The conviction that the Lord knows more than we do and that he will answer our prayers in the way that is best for us and for all of his other children is a vital ingredient of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ." Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Study and thought questions for this part of Step Three:

• How can I come to believe that Heavenly Father is working all things together for  my good--even when they aren't happening as I had hoped?
• How can I increase my faith in God's guidance? (Alma 32:33-34) 

Faith and Character

I'm still studying faith. Great subject I could stay on it for a long time ha-ha. The other article from the November 2010 Ensign that I really liked on faith was The Transforming Power of Faith and Character by Elder Richard G. Scott. He says that faith and character are intimately related. I had never thought of that before, but it made sense. When my husband was deep into his addiction I would wonder how he could have such a lack of character. Now it makes sense. He lacked faith. I feel really blessed growing up with a strong belief in God and the knowledge that he loved me and answered my prayers. My husband didn't. He didn't have that strong foundation. That is something that he needs to work on for himself. That is one of the reasons that he is having such a hard time with this I think. Some quotes I like:

Faith in the power of obedience to the commandments of God will forge strength of character available to you in times of urgent need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is intended to be used. 

We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day. Righteous character is a precious manifestation of what you are becoming. Righteous character is more valuable than any material object you own, any knowledge you have gained through study, or any goals you have attained no matter how well lauded by mankind. In the next life your righteous character will be evaluated to assess how well you used the privilege of mortality. 

 We will be evaluated to assess how well we used the privilege of mortality. It's a privilege to be here, problems and all. I told my husband the other day that I was glad I married him, problems and all. That there probably wasn't a better way for me to get to know God and myself than going through this trial. That other trials I had just weren't what it took to shake me up. I needed this. He looked at me as if I was nuts. Maybe once he gets past step 5 he will think differently. I hope. When I think that he would rather of never been married to me I go crazy. So I just think that he could have had it worse aka Fantasy Blowup. lol

As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise. With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow.

See we are to be thankful that this problem isn't a quick fix. Although that would be nice. But then neither one of us would have had sufficient time for us to grow in the ways that we need to.

 A consistent, righteous life produces an inner power and strength that can be permanently resistant to the eroding influence of sin and transgression. Your faith in Jesus Christ and obedience to His commandments will strengthen your character. Your character is a measure of what you are becoming. It is the evidence of how well you are using your time on earth in this period of mortal probation.

You cannot be passive in life, or in time the natural man will undermine your efforts to live worthily. You become what you do and what you think about. Lack of character leads one under pressure to satisfy appetite or seek personal gain. You cannot successfully bolster a weak character with the cloak of pretense.

 

 I think before I found out about my husbands addiction, I took life for granted. I was passive. I let life take over and didn't put the important things first. That's what is so great about this challenge, if you don't want to keep feeling like your life is out of control and you are a pawn, you need to take life by the reigns and prioritize. What is really important? Who do you want to become? Where do I want to end up?

Choose Faith

As I was studying faith today to talk about with my family, I thought that faith works with Step Three. You need faith to trust God. In the The Family A Proclamation To The World  and it said, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith,... Notice that faith was listed first. So I'm going to study it some more.  I read two articles in the November 2010 Ensign. I'll focus on the first one today: Faith the Choice is Yours by Richard C. Edgley. I liked that he put the responsibility for having faith or the lack of it on us. It requires effort to get and keep. We  need to "nurture" it.  He lays out Alma's formula for developing faith.

1. Humbly approach God with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.
2. Choose to exercise a particle of faith--experiment on his words (John 7:17).
3. When logic, reason or personal intellect come into conflict with sacred teachings and doctrine or conflicting messages assault your beliefs--choose not to cast the seed (faith) out of your heart by unbelief. Remember we receive not a witness until after the trial of our faith. (Ether12:6)
4. Choose to nurture it with great care (Alma 32:37). It  needs constant nourishment through scripture study, prayer and applying His word.

A lot of action words. It requires effort on our part. Then he quoted Matthew 17:20, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove". Then he tells of seeing mountains of doubt and despair removed and replaced with hope and optimism. Witnessing mountains of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And mountains of pain being replaced with peace, hope and gratitude. I had never thought of it like that before but I felt a real peace after reading it. I know as my faith increases, so does my ability to handle the tough times. So I really see the wisdom of nurturing my faith.

Prayer is the Key

Elder Boyd K. Packer said: "Learn to pray. Pray often. Pray in your mind, in your heart. Pray on your knees. Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil. And I have learned to conclude all  my prayers with 'Thy will be done'."  I like the part that the lock is on my side of the veil. God doesn't force himself on us at all. When I was young I had several experiences with prayer that reinforced my belief in prayer as a good thing. It seems that child like faith came easy when I was young.

When I was in college I learned that Satan doesn't want me to pray. So  I know if he doesn't like it, it must be an awesome power. I know that times when my thoughts had become "unmanageable" it was harder for me to pray and listen. But when I stay focused on my scripture study it is much easier, my faith is stronger and my hearing better.

Ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness. Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you. (Alma 34:27)

Ponder questions:

• What do I need to do to make prayer part of my daily life?
• What can I do to unlock my side of the veil?
• How can I learn to end my prayers with, "Thy will be done"? 

I Need Thee Always

The next step to study for Step Three is Prayer. The April Ensign has several interesting articles about prayer, which is very convenient for this step. I really enjoyed the article "I Need Thee Every Hour" by Elder Brent H. Nielson.  He says:

I observed that as we become casual in our relationship with Deity and as we minimize the importance of constant communication through prayer, we may begin to feel overwhelmed, become confused, and even be deceived, finding ourselves doing things that are not in accordance with God's will.

I know that has happened to me many times. He then gives us four reasons that we should pray.

1. The Lord has commanded us to pray.
2. We pray for forgiveness, to avoid temptation, and to conquer Satan. (Luke 22: 31-32) (D&C 10:5)
3. We pray to give thanks and to request temporal and spiritual blessings. The Bible Dictionary says about prayer's purpose: "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are  made conditional on our asking for them."  I like this. He wants us to come to him.
4. We pray to receive personal revelation.  "But this is not all; they had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation" (Alma 17:2-3)

Then a question he asks at the end which I think is my thought for today. "If the Savior of the world felt the  need for constant prayer, how much greater is our need? 

Draw Near Unto Me

I really like this new manual for the 12 step program. The study and understanding section is really good. Right now I am working on  the "Draw near unto me" section of step three.

He does not promise that it will be an easy journey, but he does promise that the necessary assistance and guidance will be available. He has said, 'Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (D &C 88:63)  President Hugh B. Brown

The the questions are:

• What can I do to diligently seek my Heavenly Father and my Savior?
• How can I come to believe that whatever I ask, I will receive according to His will?

Right  now I'm tearing the scripture apart to understand it better. I really like the Topical Guide in the Bible. I'm reading the section God, Access to God. It is really informative reading the scriptures and what provides access to God and what doesn't. A couple of my favorites so far are, 2 Chronicles 15:4 and Jeremiah 29:13.

I feel such a peace when I study the scriptures.

I like the new Mormon Message.

Happily Ever After

Yesterday while I was driving to the temple I had an overwhelming peace come over me. I knew I could be happy and that I would be okay, no matter what my husband did, didn't do, believed or didn't believe. I know me, what I think feel, did or didn't do or believe. His beliefs are his problem. It felt so good. If I can keep that feeling it would be easy. But life isn't easy so I will try to keep that experience for when I need it in the future.

The quote today from Step Three:

"We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own 'happily ever after.' The truth is, God knows how to get there! And He has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness....All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan."  President Dieter F. Uchtdort

There is again, trust in God. Why do we have such a hard time trusting God. He is perfect, we aren't. Wouldn't it make sense to trust someone who doesn't make mistakes? But we don't at first. We have to keep falling on our faces before we admit that maybe we don't know what we are doing. Then we wonder why our kids don't listen to us and learn from our mistakes. We make our life harder than it needs to be by insisting that we do things our way first.

I finished a book today The Lessons of Love by Melody Beattie it was an interesting book. A quick read. It was about how she had a big loss her son died and how she almost died of a broken heart and how she rediscovered her  passion for life again. Realizing that all the hard times were teaching her about love. I related to it on the level of mourning for a marriage I wanted that won't get. Wanting to die because I felt life was just to hard and was pointless. But then realizing it wasn't just about me. My kids needed me. I needed to find me. To learn to find joy and love. I'm still a work in progress, but I am not in the dark place I used to be. I'm working on my 'happily ever after.'

Promise of Step Three

My husband and son went to their twelve step meeting last night. I'm so glad. Now if they will work the steps.

As I was reading in Step Three this morning, I came to "The Promise of Step Three." There is a quote by Elder Richard G. Scott that I really love.

The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you. Link

I really like the part of our progress is accelerated when we are willing to allow Him to lead us through our growth experiences. Allow--isn't that Step Three in a nutshell. We trust so we allow him. The entire talk is really good. I liked how encouraged us to be creative for it brings joy.  He also counsels us to make a list of things we can do for happiness. This is something we can turn to when we feel discouraged and hopeless. Hopefully if we do something on the list it will get us out of the pit of despair so we can progress.

My husband and son went to their twelve step meeting last night. I'm so glad. Now if they will work the steps.

Am I open to the Holy Spirit?

Today I was reading the new Family Support Guide for step 3. I really like it. There are four action steps for me to work on.

1. Learn to walk by Faith
2. Pray and patiently wait for answers   There is that patient word again.
3. Submit our will
4. Find our part in God's plan

There was a quote by Elder Scott under #2 which really hit me. 

The inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions, such as anger, hate, passion, fear, or pride." Ensign Nov. 2009 Talk

Wow, I never thought of that before. How many times have I missed out on the influence of the Holy Spirit because I was angry or swallowed up by fear? No wonder sometimes I felt alone. I wasn't opened up to feeling the spirit. This is something  I will focus on remembering. I think I will make a sign with the quote and hang it up in my house to remind me.

Life Is Real

Sometimes life throws a wrench to see if you believe everything you thought you did. Yea, I love being reminded of my past imperfections.
Came upon this quote President Hinckley quoted in a talk. I thought I was just what I needed.

“Anyone who imagines that bliss [in marriage] is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

“[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” (“Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4).

That just about says it all. Here is a link to the talk. Talk

Trails Make Us Stronger

I was reading the chapter "Firm and Steadfast in Humility" in He Restoreth My Soul and there is a poem there that I really like. It fits what we are going through.

The tree that never had to fight 

For sun and sky and air and light

But stood out in the open plain 

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil

To gain and farm his patch of soil, 

Who never had to win his share

Of sun and sky and light and air,

Never became a manly man

But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow. 

Where thickest lies the forest growth,

We find the patriarchs of both.

And they hold counsel with the stars

Whose broken branches show the scars

Of many winds and much of strife.

This is the common law of life.

--Douglass Malloch 

 It's a good reminder that trials  make us stronger and without them we would be weak. 

I have found listening to good music helps me feel hopeful. So I now listen to a Christian radio station. My husband has started listening to it too. I really believe the music we listen to can influence us even if we don't realize it. He used to listen to stuff I didn't feel was appropriate. So I'm glad he is adding this kind of  music to his listening time.
This is a song I love. The words remind me to have hope and trust God. Enjoy.
What Faith Can Do by Kutless

 

New Guide

Saturday, I felt like a walking Zombie. But luckily things change, life goes on and you can snap out of it. My husband has been very nice to me since Friday night. I know something good will come out of all of this. This is where patience comes in real handy.

I was so glad the 12 step meeting was Sunday. It was so good to go. We got an updated Guide. They added Appendix's that you read also. So Instead of rotating reading the steps every 12 weeks it is now every 17 weeks, if I am understanding it correctly. So the new sections we read at meetings are:

1. Understanding the Program
2. Processing Our Emotions
3. Identifying Unhealthy Behaviors
4. Solutions For Unhealthy Behaviors
5. Loving As God Loves

Last night we started with "Understanding the Program." It was good. I'll share some of the things that I really liked/needed. 

When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change?    --Elder Richard G. Scott "Trust in the Lord" Ensign Nov. 1995

I think this is so key to getting healthy. We can keep asking all the wrong questions and get more depressed. I really liked this quote. Another quote by Elder Scott:

No matter what the source of difficulty...[all] human reaction to a challenge in life that engenders hatred, despondency, distrust, anger, or revenge must be supplanted by the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son....Do what you can do a step at a time....the surest, most effective, and shortest path to healing comes through application of the teachings of Jesus Christ in your life.

I can't wait to read through everything.

My Fire Gets Bigger

Well eSafeKids works. Yesterday I came home and logged onto the site from my  phone and you can click on search keywords which shows you what has been keyed into search pages like Google.com. This was the first time  I clicked on this link so I didn't know about it. What I saw made my heart race, my headache and my stomach feel sick. My son had been trying to look at porn.  I told my husband and we had a nice talk with our son. It appears he has been looking at porn off and on for two years or so. My husband told him about his struggles with pornography.

Needless to say my heart broke again. How many times is the heart able to break? He did agree to go to 12 step meetings with my husband. That means that my husband will start going to the meetings. So maybe there will be good come out of this. I know this son will beat it. He has a strong testimony and loves God. That will help. I told my husband he needs to make his peace with God so he can help our son. It's not about him anymore. I know he will try, I hope.

I'm glad I'm working on step 3 now. Trusting God and turning it to him is what I have to do.
I'm mad at myself for  not getting this blocker sooner. The controls on the computer obviously weren't very good.

I would hate to go through this and not believe in God. How incredibly lonely.

Continue in Patience

My husband came home from work last night because he said it was safer than staying at work. Yea!

This brings me to step 3, in trusting in God. This step requires that we develop patience with God and his timing. This is one of the benefits of doing the 12 steps and having a "refining fire." We develop patience or we go crazy. I've done the crazy bit and didn't enjoy it. I'm now focusing on being patient. I have to say when I was a young mom, I used to pray for patience. After my third child who was incredibly active, I stopped praying for patience. But God has a way of answering our prayers in his own way and in his own timing. The past year I have really become much more patient than ever before. I still have a long ways to go, but I have come so far. So I'm going to pat myself on the back and get to work. I really enjoy the talk Patience by Neal A. Maxwell Talk Link.
Also I enjoyed this video. I have to keep reminding myself to be patient with God. He knows best.

Internet Protection

We bought a new Internet monitor. It monitors all computers, including wireless and all wireless devices. It monitors IPod and the Wii and our phones if they have the Wi-Fi turned on. You can monitor it through the internet anywhere and see what pages have been accessed. It blocks all the porn sites, hopefully. There is no way around it unless you unplug it then you would know from the daily summary. I'm not to sure how excited my husband it about this but I am very  happy. I don't want that garbage in my home. It was easy to set up and only cost $119.99 plus shipping. I found a coupon code online that took of $20. No other fees ever. What a bargain.
esafekids

Day 40: Love is a Covenant

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God's eyes and the high honor of being on with our mate.

I did this last year.I'm going to dig them up and reread them and see what changes I need to make. We did the renewal vow thing. It was nice. If we ever get to a better place I think I will want to do it again.

This 40 day journey has been very thought provoking and I'm glad I did it. It reminded me of things that are important about my relationship with my husband. But I know I need to keep doing the dare if I want my marriage to get stronger.

Love Endures

Day 39: Love Endures

Spend Time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your souse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

In today's society people seem to get divorced at the drop of a hat. They don't really have a deep commitment, that says I here for you even when you disappoint me and when times get hard. I believe one of the reasons that marriage is so important, is that it is in this relationship that you really refine your character. Where else are we so vulnerable and can be hurt so much? Where else can we become what we are meant to become?

In my scripture study today I was reading in Jacob 7. Where Sherem challenges Jacob, then admits he has lied to the people and to God. Then he dies. Then the people searched the scriptures. Would they have been sucked into Sherem's lies if they had been searching the scriptures before hand and had gotten to know them?

Learning of Christ. There is so much out their to help  in learning about Christ. The scriptures are the best source. Also the words of the prophets and apostles. I like what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland says:

... we must be firmly attached to Him...

Not a weak link, but firmly attached.

Take My Yoke Upon You

Todays family scripture study we talked about Matthew 11:28-29 "Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me."
This  fits right in with Step 3. Think double yolk where two oxen our bound together to do what one can't do alone. By combining with Christ He is helping us with our burdens that we can't do on our own. I don't know why we make this life harder than it needs to be. Trying to do everything on our own. That isn't what God intended for us to do. He knew we needed help all along the way, that's why he provided us with a Savior. He wants us all to make it back. He has provided tons of help for us. It is our own pigheadedness that keeps us from using it. The second part of the statement, "learn of Me," I think that is key to doing the first part. So what can I do today to learn of Christ?

Day 38: Love Fulfills Dreams

Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (it not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possible can.

Dare to overwhelm your spouse with love!

I asked my husband what his greatest desire was. He said he is just trying to make it through one day at a time. I think addictions kill dreams. So I'm going to pray that he starts getting some. That he starts coming alive.

Love Prays

Step 3: Trust in God

This can be hard if we focus on what we don't have. For instance, I thought God told me to marry this man. Why would I want to marry someone with this addiction? Well we wouldn't. If we trust God, then there is a reason why. I have wrestled with this question quite a bit. I now believe it was so I could come to trust God and really get to know him. When everything is going smoothly and wonderful, I'm less inclined to go to God for everything. I needed to learn that I had to depend on him. I have also found the closer I feel to God the easier it is for me to trust him. I guess the same could be said about my husband.

Day 37: Love Agrees In Prayer

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

My husband will probably have to think about this too. He has no problem with family prayer just couple prayer. He has issues trusting God too. I think prayer is one of the most powerful tools in fighting the adversary.

Love is Gods Word

Day 36: Love is Gods Word

Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

Asked my husband if he would read scriptures with me everyday. He said he would think about it. At least he didn't say no. Even if he doesn't with me, I'll do it for me. It helps keep me sane.

Step 3--Trust

I really like step 3. It isn't the easiest but it is one of the most liberating of steps. Last night my dear husband had a terrible time getting to sleep. I woke up at 1am and he wasn't in bed. I got up he wasn't in the house he had been going for a walk. He came to get his wallet and walk to the store for something to suck on. I just went back to bed, prayed for us both and went to sleep. I slept better than I have for a long time. I turned my worry over to God.

This morning I read the article "Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father" by Elder Neal A. Maxwell Ensign, Nov. 1995. This article is really amazing. Here is a link: Link   Yesterday in my scripture study I was reading in Jacob 4 and came to verse 12 which says:

12And now, beloved, marvel not that I tell you these things; for why not ^aspeak of the atonement of Christ, and attain to a perfect knowledge of him, as to attain to the knowledge of a resurrection and the world to come?

This really struck me. I don't know how many times I have read this but didn't notice this part. Attain a perfect knowledge of him. Wow, this hit me with such  force. I think this works perfectly with step 3. If we are coming to really know Christ, then we will trust him and can more easily turn our will and life over to him. So then today I read the above article and I felt peace. Here are some quotes I like from the article.

To the extent that we are not willing to be led by the Lord, we will be driven by our appetites, or we will be greatly preoccupied with the lesser things of the day.

Isn't this the truth. When I don't turn my will over to God I can worry and waste the day away.

Actually, everything depends--initially and finally--on our desires. These shape our thought patterns. Our desires thus precede our deeds and lie at the very cores of our souls, tilting us toward or away from God. God can "educate our desires". Others seek to manipulate our desires. But it is we who form the desires, the "thoughts and intents of [our] hearts." 

Hence we'd better want the consequences of what we want!

I love this we'd better want the consequences of what we want. Going to bring this up at family scripture study. Kids should learn this.

As one's will is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials of life.

Need this.

Progression toward submission confers another blessing: an enhanced capacity for joy.

Want this.
Then he asks a good question. We all need to ask ourselves good questions. Sometimes we waste our time asking ourselves questions that drive us crazy or aren't that important. But this question--it's a good one.

In what ways am I shrinking or holding back? Meek introspection may yield some bold insights! 

Then he tell us we may need to have our own refiners fire so to speak.

Along this pathway leading to consecration, stern and unsought challenges sometimes hasten this jettisoning, which is needed to achieve increased consecration. if we have grown soft, hard times may be necessary. If we are too contented, a dose of divine discontent may come....One may be scorched by humiliation so pride can be melted away. Whatever we lack will get attention, one way or another.

 John Taylor indicated that the Lord may even choose to wrench our very heartstrings.

Then he says that consecration is a process one drop at a time.  Then a quote from President Young:

to submit to the hand of the Lord,...and acknowledge his hand in all things, ...then you will be exactly right; and until you come to that point, you cannot be entirely right. That is what we have to come to."

 Then the end.

In conclusion, the submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we "give," brothers and sisters, are actually the tings He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!

Consecration thus constitutes the only unconditional surrender which is also a total victory! 

 It's a great article every time I read it I get something new out of it. I have it printed out and put in the back of my 12 step binder. I need all the help I can get to remember to let go and let God.

Day 35: Love is Accountable

Find a marriage mentor--someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment. 

I used to think counseling was a waste of time and money. I should be able to figure things out on my own. But sometimes you need to get that other impartial opinion. If your marriage is falling apart it is definitely time to humble yourself and get some help. It is cheaper than divorce.  I now know how beneficial it is with the right counselor. You may need to try a few to find the one that works for you both, but don't let your pride get in the way and give up. As for a mentor, that I don't have.

Tears of Sorrow

It's a good thing you can't drown in your own tears. I would be dead. It amazes me how much my body can produce. I didn't use to cry very much, now it comes so easy. I hate it. It makes my head throb, my eyes ache, eyelids to swell for days and makes it not as easy to apply makeup. If I could lose some weight as a result of emitting all those tears than I wouldn't regret it so much. But does that happen? No. Instead I think I gain more weight. Is that fair? No but we know that life isn't about being fair. Oh well, if I can get up the energy to jog and cry at the same time, I'd be good to go.

Day 34: Love Celebrates Godliness

Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.

Well, my husband came to family scripture study today. You know I get more excited for him to do something spiritual than to get a raise or pretty much anything else. So I will thank him for this today. If fact he has been doing it for about two weeks now. I know it's hard for him to get up. But he has.

Never Assume Anything

Day 33: Love Completes Each Other

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them now today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

 Have you ever not paid attention to what your spouse has to say, especially if you're upset with them? I have, probably all too frequently. Marriage can not survive if you don't listen to one another. The problem is that you each have different ways of communicating and assume you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. NEVER assume anything about your spouse. That is what  has caused us too many problems. Assuming we know what the other person thought, felt etc. Thanks to thousands of dollars spent on counseling, I can say I'm getting better at listening. I make sure now I know what he means. So what you mean is .... What your saying is... When its wrong he will let me know. I'm not perfect at this yet, but I am getting better.Yea, she can be taught.

Fantasy Blow Up

My husband is back in LifeStar, Yea! He said they have a group assignment to sabotage their fantasy's or something like that. That is one of the things that makes this addiction so hard to overcome. They can get their brain going and not even have to look at it. So I got to thinking and told him mine for the women in his fantasy's. I don't know what his fantasy's are. I don't want to know. But I know there are women in them. So here goes my sabotage, ha-ha.

He looks at the woman and her head starts to swell up like a balloon (it's empty so the air goes there first) and worms and slugs etc. are coming out the nostrils, ears and mouth. Then the rest of her body swells up to a huge ball. Think Harry Potter or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Then he goes to touch her and she pops. A stone that used to be her heart falls on his foot and crushes it, and feces spews all over him. Since she is full of crap. What a lovely visual. He said what if she is full of sugar and spice. I said no way is she making that vile stuff. She can repent. but this is his fantasy remember. And it is war. On my walk this morning I thought of something to add before she explodes. She leans over to whisper in his ear and spits acid in his ear that goes to his heart and starts killing him from the inside out. Isn't that what porn does? I don't know if it will help him, but it sure made me feel good this morning.

Love Dare, Day 32: Love Meets Sexual Needs

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

Trust in God

New month, new step. I think Step 3 can be a tough step for us co-dependents. We want to control, but this step is about trusting God enough to turn it over to him. But these steps are a process and in my case, by time I got to this step and worked with it for a while I was ready to give everything to God. What I was doing wasn't doing any good. This is a freeing step. You feel lighter when you finally turn it over to Him. So on to the step.


Step 3:

Key principle: Decide to turn our will and our life over to the care of God the Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.

I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize I needed to totally depend on God, and ask him for daily guidance and direction, if not for this awful addiction.  I have had other "refining fires" but I didn't totally surrender my will, looking back at them. So this is what it took for me I guess. It could be worse. I'm glad God only gives us what we can handle with his help. But it would be nice to take a vacation from it for a while. :)

Love Dare Day 31: Love and Marriage

Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

The leaving issue refers to this scripture: "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24  Sometimes we think we are leaving and cleaving to our spouses but subconsciously we haven't completely there is a thread to the apron strings you forgot was there. As it says in "The Love Dare:"  "Leave. And cleave. And dare to walk as one."


There was a point in our relationship that I put our children before my husband. It was easy to do. I hardly ever saw him. But that was a big mistake. Now I try to focus more on my husband and our relationship. Hopefully it will help.